Identities

There is an abundance of information about identities in the 'Exploring Gender' section of our message board www.butch-femme.co.uk, but I will attempt a brief summary here.

I have found that gender appears to be very much on a continuum. As soon as an ID is described there will always be someone who comes along who does not fit with an ID stereotype. There are huge sweeping presumptions made about what is to be butch or femme or transgendered. People often believe broad statement such as “butches are aggressive” or “femmes like to talk about clothes and make-up” or to be accepted as transgendered you have to want to change to the opposite sex. However, many femmes are more domineering than butches and are more likely to be aggressive. Many femmes do not wear make-up or spend time fussing over their clothes. Many, many transgendered people would rather keep their own body shape than to undergo gender reassignment. To do so would be to change their appearance to one that is no closer to fitting with their true identity. Many, many of the identity discussions threads become heated, with people feeling frustrated that others still misunderstand their identity. However, I will give a brief description of some of the identities held by members of this personals site and that of the message board.

Andro Dyke
Andro dykes are neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine in dress, appearance, or behaviour and are not usually considered to be a part of the Butch/Femme community.

Butch
The label ‘butch’ is very broad and covers many identities, with many variations and with varying degrees of ‘butchness’ within those variations.

Soft butch
Those who self identify as soft butch always identify as female and wish to be referred to with female pronouns. Soft butches are more butch than androgenous dykes in the way that they carry themselves (tomboyish). They may/may not wear men’s clothes, but tend not to dress in a feminine way. They do not ‘pack’ (wear a ‘cock’ under clothing), do not take testosterone and do not feel any need for surgery. Others around them will have probably always known that they were dykes.

Stone Butch
Not all stone butches are alike. Stone butches may/may not identify as male. Some may wish to be referred to as ‘he/him (or hy/hym) others will wish to be referred to with female pronouns. Some stone butches are happy about being female. Others accept that their sex is female without relating to their body and/or mind in female ways, seeing themselves as being masculine rather than male.

Stone butches get their ultimate pleasure from giving pleasure to their partner (sometimes strapping). They are so focussed on (and satisfied by) pleasing their partner that they don’t want or need to be touched in this way in return…in fact they may feel violated if they are touched in any feminising way. The intent behind the touch and the type of touch appear to be the most important factors in determining whether a stone butch will feel comfortable. Stone butches may allow some touch, but with specific boundaries that can never be crossed.

Unfortunately stone butches often experience difficulty in coming to terms with their sexuality because they might feel that something is wrong with them. They may have even been told by sexual partners that they have emotional problems, when in fact they don’t. They just experience their pleasure from different things to those that aren’t stone.

Transgender/Genderqueer
The term ‘transgendered’ can describe the trans community as a whole. Transgendered may mean a blur of genders. Someone who is genderqueer views gender as fluid and that gender options are more than just male or female. Others believe Butch is a gender of it's own.

Transgendered (TG Butch)
TG butches may view themselves as being neither male nor female. They may challenge the notion that masculinity belongs only to men and question the binary system of gender. They may simply view themselves as ‘gender confused’ because of their physical and psychological mismatch or they may even view themselves as being of a ‘third sex’.

TG butches may have top surgery, but do not usually take hormones. They may have previously considered trans surgery, but often grow to accept themselves as they are in later life. Acceptance for who they are is more important than a need to transition.

FTM (F2M, Female to Male Transexual)
Female to male transsexuals do not change gender at any point. FTMs often do not define themselves as butch and butches are sometimes more ‘butch’ than FTMs. Although the goal of many FTMs is to become a man, this is not true for everyone. Again, some FTMs may feel that they are of a third gender.

The transition usually involves taking male hormones, but does not always involve bottom surgery. This may be because many female to male transexuals do not feel that current surgeries are adequate.

Trannydyke
A transgender person attracted to people with a more feminine gender.

Trannyfag
A transgender person attracted to people with a more masculine gender.

Femme
A femme may or may not choose to wear feminine clothes. She may or may not wear make-up. She may or may not have long hair. Many femmes are dominant, rather than submissive. It is a mistake to presume that all femmes need a protective partner (although some do) or to presume that femmes are weak. Femmes are often the ones who step in to protect their butch (if her preference is for butch) from homophobic attacks. It also takes courage to walk into a gay bar dressed femme because of the reactions when she is presumed to be straight woman who will one day ‘go back’ to being with a man. Most discussions conclude that femme is an essence or an attitude.

Transensual Femme
A transensual femme partners with a female to male transsexual (FtM). However, her identity exists apart from her partner.

Stone Femme
A femme who identifies as stone tends to be a femme who partners with a stone butch. She is someone who respects her partner’s boundaries. Again, her identity is separate from her partner. This is illustrated by the fact that she has no desire to touch her partner in a feminising way. She will touch her partner in other ways and may be far from a ‘pillow princess’. Another femme may ID as stone because she herself does not like to receive certain touch.